Amazathon III: Battle Royal
by adversary2113
Summary: Lex's dreaming again. This time, it's win or go to a really hot place. Guest starring Jim Henson's Muppets and Satan himself. Rated T for innuendo and language.


Amazathon III: Battle Royal , Chapter One of Two

This is set after the episode " The Uninvited".

Lex Marin was in his sleeping bag. His eyelids grew heavier and heavier . Finally , sleep took his tired mind spiraling down into the depths where fantasy and reality meet.

Ringmaster Russell is there on the battered wing of 29DWN, wearing a neon green ringmaster's outfit with a whirling bow tie and a stovepipe hat. In electric blue. He has a rainbow colored umbrella in his hand, flipping it into the air and striking a pose as he talks to Lex and the other 6 youths.

Russell: "Hi there Lex; how do you do? Your teams won none and mine have won two. It's Amazathon time again! This time, if you win, you go home, if you lose, well…"

He points at hole in the ground, a dozen meters away. Fire and brimstone smoke drift out. Screams can be heard and Satan himself is standing there with a leer on his face, propping himself up with a pitchfork.

Lex : " Who do we have to fight this time, Captain?"

Russell: " I thought long and hard about it . You actually nearly pulled upsets before, " He glares at a flinching Eric and at Taylor, ho's looking disgusted as Satan pointedly licks his lips with his forked tongue while staring back at her, " so I decided no more superheroes ."

Daley; " Thank God; Starfire was bad enough; Sailor Moon was dumb as a rock and that exploding tiara thing hurt."

Eric; " I would have traded, I have an exploding stick for her." He grins broadly.

Taylor: " Eww!"

Russell; " And just to speed things up, this time, it's all seven of you at one time against the most indestructible competitors around." He grin, a fly loops in and out of the three teeth he proudly displays.

Jackson, irritated: " So who do we fight already?"

Russell, pointing the umbrella at the ring: " Here they come. They've caused nightmares for years. They nearly took Disney down before my friend over there, " he points at a smiling prince of Evil, " convinced their evil genius creator to join the dark side."

Nathan: " Well, I see some one here is a little too fond of Star Wars."

Russell: "Straight from the warped mind of Jim Henson!" There is a loud bang and the ring is suddenly filled with

All: " MUPPETS!"

The ring is filled with Muppets from the Muppet Show and Sesame Street . They are all wearing black leather . One of them, Animal, is foaming at the mouth.

Russell: " Let get ready to stumble!" Pulls out a flask and takes a swig. " And now, lets get ready to rumble!" The Muppets charge.

Taylor runs by screaming. One of the furry varmints, Elmo is now latched onto her leg, hunching it.

Elmo: " Elmo wants to be good friends!" humps steadily at her leg, pupils dilating wildly as he nears the point of no return.

Taylor: " God, it's worse that dancing with Eric; at least he asks before he starts hunching!" She manages to pry him off and kicks him in the groin. It ha the opposite effect of what she wanted.

Elmo: " Again!" He chases off after the hysterically screaming girl.

The two great comedians face off, Eric armed with his wits, Fozzy Bear with a lead filled rubber chicken.

Needless to say, Eric was feeling the pressure.

Fozzy: " Wokka W okka Wokka!" He throws the bird at Eric.

Eric ducks: " Bwak! Hey, why're you trying to give me the bird.?" He kicks Fozzy in the belly. Unfazed , Fozzy trips him and starts pummeling him.

Fozzy; " How's this for a punch line? ' He hits Eric on the chin with his fat fuzzy fist.

Taylor is running around with Elmo no handing from her neck and hunching her back.

Taylor: " This is why I won't date furries!"

Elmo; " I want you to have Elmo's baby!"

Daley squares off against Miss Piggy.

Piggy: " You look like you could use a fashion makeover dear. Ho about I rearrange your face? Hiii YahH!" The porky powerhouse hits Daley ith a spinning heel kick.

Daley; " This is why I hate Disney!"

Jackson faces of against Animal.

Animal: " Bad man! Animal crush bad man!" He runs at Jackson, who nimbly dodges..

Jackson; " Man, if we can't beat these things , we're gonna have the life expectancy of a teen show on Discovery kids!" He kicks Animal on the nose. Animal rips his shoe off and starts eating it.

Animal: " MMM. Me love leather that has stinky feet smell!"

Taylor runs by, Elmo is now on her head hunching at her face.

Taylor: " Somebody get him off!"

Elmo: " Oh if Elmo gets off , you'll know, You'll cough out Elmo fuzz balls!" He laughs insanely.

Mel and Snuffalufagus meet in the center of the ring.

Snuffy; " Ohh, I'm too depressed to fight. I haven't taken my Prozac, Lexapro, Lithium, Valium or Viagra today."

Mel: " What's the Viagra for?"

Snuffy: " It keeps my trunk from dragging the ground."

Elmo runs by after Taylor, she's somehow knocked him away.

Elmo: " No need to run. Elmo just wants commitment!"

Lex meets his opponent, it's the amazing Gonzo.

Gonzo; " Funny, I figured with me with my girlfriend being Camilla the chicken, I'd fight him." he points at Eric, who is being hit on the ass by a joy buzzer wearing Fozzy.

Fozzy; " How's this for a zinger? ' He now has a cattle prod. There is a flash of blue light and Eric is now singing soprano.

Lex; " Do you really want to send people to the fiery pits?"

Gonzo; " No way. I don't even like sending them to EuroDisney. That place is close enough to Hell on Earth. But the boss, " he points at Satan, " he has binding contracts on us." He leans over and whispers in a conspiratorial ay: " That's how he Got Old Man Disney in the first place.'

Lex : " If you're game , I have an idea."

In the middle of a bizarre war zone, two unlikely opponents suddenly become even more unlikely allies.

Next: Can the combined wits of Lex and Gonzo outwit Satan himself? Will our heroes prevail or will they go to the bad place? Will Elmo and Taylor have a beautiful family together ? Find out soon.A


End file.
